somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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