Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You are the jesus of drinking
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
