what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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