Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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