she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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