I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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