It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
