Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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