The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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