Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
