Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is Oprah even human
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
