Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
