Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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