so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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