i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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