Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
