I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
