you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
