I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
