now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
