I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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