thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
