dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
