I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
