i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
