Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
