it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize