so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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