so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
