brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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