Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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