why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
