Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
