can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
