God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
