Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
there's paper in my vomit.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dicks are not precious.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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