i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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