ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
