I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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