I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
