she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
