Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
