It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
