so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
