Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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