Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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