This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
