can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
