hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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