Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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