Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
