I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
no you cant smoke seaweed
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
