I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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