I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
