Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
