Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
