I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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