Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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