Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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