just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
