I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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