Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
